Young children experience new parts of life every day. Unlike adults, they aren’t always able to draw on past experiences to understand the new ones. It’s up to you as their parent to help them through it. Whether the topic is joyous or sad, the secret of understanding is in the conversation you have with your child. Here are some ways to make it easier.
- Use a book to introduce a new idea or concept before it happens – like a book about becoming a big brother or sister before the arrival of a new baby.
- Follow your story up with questions about the book and what the characters in it did.
- Find out what your child knows first before you add more information.
- Use the most basic terms possible. Young children can understand “sad” or “mad” but they may not understand more complicated terms like “depressed” or “violent”.
- Relate the situation to something in your child’s own life. For example, let’s say you’re talking about theft. You can explain the situation by saying “A man stole something. Remember when someone took your lunchbox?”
- Ask open ended questions that encourage your daughter to expand her thoughts and explore her feelings.
- Ask specific questions to help your child know where to start their response if they’re struggling to find an answer. For example, ask “Do you feel sad or angry?” instead of “How did that make you feel?”
- Reassure your son about his feelings. He should know that his feelings about a subject are normal. Share your own feelings with him so he can see how normal feelings are!
- Let him know that someone is looking out for him. “Mommy and Daddy are here to keep you safe.” Or “the police will catch the bad guy.”
- Don’t hesitate to reach out for support or advice. Some conversations are not easy to have and come from stressful events in your life. It’s important to take care of your own needs so you can give your best to your daughter.
- Taking “mini-vacations” throughout your day can help you recharge and bounce back during tough times.
- Finish your conversation on a high note, with a hug or a new activity. Use distractions in a balanced way – avoiding the topic isn’t a healthy way to deal with your emotions, but at the same time there is no need to dwell on bad feelings. Moving on to a different topic or activity at the right time will give your child mental space to process everything you’ve just discussed.
